Three Steps to Powerful Prayer

A sermon preached by the Rev. Terence L. Elsberry, Rector, at St. Matthew's Church, Bedford, New York, on the Fourth Sunday in Lent, Year C, March 21 , 2004.

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For years I've been studying the practice of prayer. We all know prayer is important. But what is the difference between prayer that works, prayer that changes lives and produces results, and prayer that seems to accomplish little or nothing at all?

I have not completed my study. It'll take a lifetime, I know, and still God will preserve mysteries about prayer. Yet I have gleaned some principles that over and over I've found work in my life and in the lives of others.

I offer them to you this morning: I call them Three Steps to Powerful Prayer . Three steps I am convinced are the steps God wants each one of us to take when we come to Him in prayer.

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Step One: Stop trying to control God. Good control enables pilots to land planes safely. Good control by his parents and grandparents keeps our one-year-old grandson Trip out of trouble now that he crawls faster than lightning and even climbs steps. Control in every area of our common life forms the foundation of civilization.

But there is a negative kind of control, too. It's the kind of control that makes us try to control every aspect of our lives, other people, finally God Himself.

The first step to praying with power is being willing to admit that there is a power greater than ourselves. How many times do we come to the Lord with our laundry list of needs? “Please, God,” we pray, “heal so-and-so, comfort so-and-so, help this or that work out okay.” And so it goes. Not that there's anything wrong with this kind of prayer. I do it every day. But there's a higher attitude, a prior vision God wants us to bring to Him when we pray. It's a willingness to come to Him and ask Him what He may want in any given situation.

We take our children around to visit schools and colleges. We say, “Which one do you like? Where do you think you'd feel most comfortable? Or we study the match between a child's skills and interests and what the school provides. All these are crucial to the decision-making process, of course. But do we add the ultimate ingredient? Do we ask God His opinion of which school is best for our child? And do we ask God to guide us to the right job, the best house for us? Do we invite Him into the decision-making process, in any situation? Or do we simply make our decision in life and then ask Him for His blessing? Do we try to control God? Of course, we do. It's normal. It's human nature.

How many times, at some level, do I say to God – in how I live my life, how I make my decisions, how I pray – “Excuse me, Lord, but if You wouldn't mind sort of getting out of the way, because I know what's best for my life.”

But do I? The Bible says God knows the end from the beginning. The Bible says all wisdom, all knowledge, come from Terry. No, the Bible says, God is the fount of all wisdom and all knowledge. And yet how often do I go my own selfish, self-centered, self-serving way, designing my life and asking God to bless my design?

But there's a higher way. The higher way, the better way, is to come first to God. Come to Him every day. Come to Him in every situation. Begin by saying, “Lord, here I am. Guide me. Give me your wisdom. Show me what you want me to do, where you want me to go, and how you want me to get there.”

The first step in praying with power: Give up control.

Somebody wrote a book once called God Is My Co-Pilot . If I were writing the book, I'd alter the title slightly. I'd say, God is My Pilot . Make God the pilot of your life. Pray with power.

That leads us to Step Two, a variation on the first step. Step Two: Admit God can make a difference in your life.

Do we pray really believing God can do something about the issue we're bringing to Him? We may think God has the power to make a difference, to effect a change, even perform a miracle. But do we believe He would want to do such a thing for me? Do we believe God loves us enough to do what we so desperately want Him to do? Maybe He loves the person in the next pew that much, but how could He possibly love me enough to answer my prayer? “My father never seemed to love me that much,” you may say, “so why should my heavenly Father?”

There's the story in a recent New York Times Sunday Magazine about the people who are living to great ages and about their children. One photo caption said: “This woman has been trying to get her mother's approval since the Coolidge administration and she hasn't got it yet.”

Nor, we might conclude, will she likely ever get it!

Our feelings about early role models can inform how we feel about God. They can inform how we feel about ourselves.

If I were to ask you for a definition of God, you might well end up giving me the most succinct of all the Biblical definitions, which says, “God is love.”

But do you believe that love is for you? Do you believe the wonder-working, all-powerful love of the universe wants to flow into your life, into your situation, and bring life-transforming change, wholeness, all good things?

To pray as God would have us pray, we must accept two things: one, that He is able and two, that He wants to help us.

If I don't think He can or wants to help me, why would I ask Him?

It's like the man I heard lead a workshop who says he comes home from work every night, and here's what he wants to happen.

He says, “One of the things I want in my life is emotional intimacy. I want to connect with my wife at a deep level. Another thing I want is physical intimacy. I want to hug her and be hugged by her.” The man goes on to say, “Wanting these things, I might ideally do this: I might drive home from work, park the car, walk into the house, and after appropriate conversation, say: ‘Honey, tonight I would like to have emotional intimacy with you. I'd like to share my hopes, fears and concerns with you. I would like you to listen to me and enter into my world of feelings and talk to me about my thoughts. And I would like for us to connect with one another at an emotional level and be one. And then I want us to hug each other. Can we do that tonight?'

“But I don't do that,” the man says. “Do you know why? My asker is broken. Somewhere along the line my asker got broken, and I don't now how to ask for what I want.” The man says, “Instead of doing all those things, I drive into the garage, walk into the house, and I pick a fight. I pick at my wife. Why do I do that?” says the man. “Because at some level I'm afraid of intimacy.” Are we like this man? Are we afraid of intimacy with the people we love? Are we afraid of intimacy with God?

Is our asker broken?

Step Three: Give it to God.

I'm going to say something now that's hard for me to say. It may be hard for you to hear. but I have to say it, because I know it's key. It's the key to our praying with power. It's the key to our being able to expect God will move on our behalf. It's the key to our having an intimate relationship with Him.

Step One – Stop trying to control God.

Step Two – Believe God can and will help you.

Step Three – Surrender to God. I don't just mean give Him your need of the moment. I mean give it all to God. To have the kind of power in prayer, to live the kind of overcoming, victorious life God has in mind for us, we have to surrender our lives to Him. Our lives, our will, our relationships, our hopes, our dreams, our doubts, our fears, our today and all our tomorrows.

III

The problem, of course, is that very few of us are willing to do that. Usually it takes some calamity, it takes coming to the end of ourselves, it takes hitting bottom before we are ready to say, “Okay, God, I can't do it any longer.”

That's what the Prodigal Son did in today's Gospel. He came to the end of himself and He surrendered everything to his father. Surrendering what he thought he possessed, he received back in return so much more. So can I. So can you.